I read some of this on the radio recently, and have received so many requests for it I need to post it here. So, here you are – as it was forwarded to me:
Here's how I think requiring masks might work in elementary:
Please don’t snap Billy's mask in his face.
Your mask is not a necklace, bracelet, or any other form of jewelry.
You should not be using your mask as a slingshot. Please put it back on your face.
Please do not chew on your mask.
Your mask should be on your face, not on the back of your head
I’m sorry your mask is wet, but that's what happens when you lick the inside of it.
I’m sorry you sneezed. Here's a tissue. Wipe out the snot as well as you can.
No, you may not blow your nose in your mask.
Why is your mask soaking wet? You just came back from the bathroom?
And you put it back on your face after you dropped it?
I’m sorry you broke the elastic on your mask by seeing how far the band would stretch. Now you'll have to hold the mask on your face ... or use this duct tape.
Please take the mask off your eyes and watch where you're walking. I don’t care if you have X-ray vision.
Please take the mask off of your pencil and stop twirling it.
I know the mask fits over your pants like a knee pad, but please take it off of your leg and put it on your face.
What do you mean you tried to eat your lunch through your mask?
Please don't share your mask or trade masks. I don’t care if you like Ingrid's mask better than yours.
I’m sorry, but your mask is not school appropriate.
We're not comparing our masks to other kids' masks… everyone’s mask is unique and special.
No, you may not decorate your mask instead of doing your work. I don’t care if you have a Sharpie.
You're not a pirate, please take your mask off your eye.
Try to get the gum off as much as you can.
Please don't use your mask to pick your nose.
I’m sorry you tripped, but that’s what happens when you put your feet inside the elastic of your mask.
No, your mask doesn't make it hard to get your work done.
Your Mom will need to get you a new mask since you chewed a hole in that one.
Why is there a shoe print on your mask?
No, you cannot eat the snow through your mask.
I don’t care if you were in art class and being creative; we do not decorate our masks.
We do not beam other kids in the face with balls. No, their masks don’t make it not hurt.
Please don't plug your nose holes with your mask.
Who's making that noise?
I’m sorry your ponytail is stuck, that’s what happens when you see how many times you can wrap it around your mask.
I’m sorry to tell you, but your child thought her mask made her a superhero. She tried to fly off the jungle gym at recess …
I’m sorry your breath stinks in your mask, maybe we should all try to brush better.
Please take those cookies out of your mask. No, you are not a chipmunk.