Turcockamel
(A turkey inside of a cockatiel inside of a camel)
INGREDIENTS
3 pounds whole camel, boned
Salt and pepper to taste
Taco seasoning to taste
1 (1 pound) cockatiel, boned
8 pounds turkey, boned
3 cups butterscotch pudding and oyster dressing
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees (Fahrenheit). Lay the boned camel hump-side
up on a platter and season liberally with salt, pepper and taco
seasoning. Lay the boned cockatiel mohawk-side down on top of the camel
and season conservatively with salt, pepper and taco seasoning. The
liberal and conservative seasoning patterns will bicker and argue, so
quickly cover and chill.
2. Lay the boned turkey skin-side down on a flat surface. Cover with a
layer of cold butterscotch pudding and oyster dressing, and push the
dressing into the leg and wing cavities so they will look as if they
still have bones in them. To complete the effect, go ahead and thrust a
chicken bone in there (fun game: first to bite into the bone wins a
prize!).
3. Grease the sides of the turkey and carefully shove it into the lower
orifice of the cockatiel. This, understandably, must be done with
utmost caution. It's also helpful if the cockatiel is dead. Then,
stuff the turkey-infused cockatiel into the hump of the camel. Dump a
fair amount of Aunt Jemima maple syrup and a bubbly layer of warm root
beer in there to marinate. Barq’s or A&W are best. Do NOT use cream soda!
4. With the help of an assistant (preferably a friend who can keep a
secret), bring the edges of the camel hump together, and fasten them
together with toothpicks. Use a rubber band to bind the toothpicks to
help hold the stuffed camel together. If this proves ineffective, use
staples and wood glue. Then, carefully place the Turcockamel, hump up,
in a large roasting pan.
5. Roast covered for 4 hours or until the Turcockamel is golden brown.
Continue to roast uncovered for 1 hour or until a meat thermometer
inserted through the hump registers 180 degrees F., and a thermometer
inserted through the rump registers 165 degrees F. The rump and the
hump are really the best parts of any well-made Turcockamel. Watch your
time, as you don't want to overcook that cockatiel.
6. Check the monstrosity every few hours to baste and remove excess juice.
There should be enough pan juices for a gallon of good ol' Turcockamel
Gravy (great on potatoes or eggs). Carve and serve!
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