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The Turcockamel Recipe



(A turkey inside of a cockatiel inside of a camel)


      3 pounds whole camel, boned

      Salt and pepper to taste

      Taco seasoning to taste

      1 (1 pound) cockatiel, boned

      8 pounds turkey, boned

      3 cups butterscotch pudding and oyster dressing


     1. Preheat oven to 375 (Fahrenheit or Celsius). Lay the boned camel hump-side

        up on a platter and season liberally with salt, pepper and taco

        seasoning. Lay the boned cockatiel mohawk-side down on top of the camel

        and season conservatively with salt, pepper and taco seasoning. The

        liberal and conservative seasoning patterns will bicker and argue, so

        quickly cover and chill.  Also, allow the food to chill.

     2. Lay the boned turkey skin-side down on a flat surface. Cover with a

        layer of cold butterscotch pudding and oyster dressing, and push the

        dressing into the leg and wing cavities so they will look as if they

        still have bones in them. To complete the effect, go ahead and thrust a

        chicken bone in there. (Fun game: First to bite into the bone wins a


     3. Grease the sides of the turkey and carefully shove it into the lower

        orifice of the cockatiel. This, understandably, must be done with

        utmost caution. It's also helpful if the cockatiel is dead. Then,

        stuff the turkey-infused cockatiel into the hump of the camel. Dump a

        fair amount of Aunt Jemima maple syrup and a bubbly layer of warm root

        beer in there to marinate.  If no root beer is available, use Keystone Light.

     4. With the help of an assistant (preferably a friend who can keep a

        secret), bring the edges of the camel hump together, and fasten them

        together with toothpicks. Use a rubber band to bind the toothpicks to

        help hold the stuffed camel together. If this proves ineffective, use

        staples and wood glue. Then, carefully place the Turcockamel, hump up,

        in a large roasting pan.

     5. Roast covered for 4 hours or until the Turcockamel is golden brown.

        Continue to roast uncovered for 1 hour or until a meat thermometer

        inserted through the hump registers 180 degrees F., and a thermometer

        inserted through the rump registers 165 degrees F. The rump and the

        hump are really the best parts of any well-made Turcockamel. Watch your

        time, as you don't want to overcook that cockatiel.

     6. Check the monstrosity every few hours to baste and remove excess juice.

        There should be enough pan juices for a gallon of good ol' Turcockamel

        Gravy (great on potatoes, eggs, or ice cream). Carve and serve!

Disclaimer:  NewsRadio 1110 KFAB and Clear Channel Broadcasting (including its subsidiaries, employees, and advertisers) are NOT responsible for any gastrointestinal maladies or injuries that may occur as a result of preparing or eating Turcockamel (including its subsidiaries).  You prepare, eat, and locate ingredients for the Turcockamel at your own risk … you psycho.

And Happy Thanksgiving.

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